The last few weeks have been full of moments, way more challenging moments than I would like. All these small moments hit me today while I was waiting to turn left at a light, roughly 12th in line. A car (two ahead of me) stopped to hand a homeless man some money. The car directly behind him, gave him about 10 seconds before she laid on the horn because the light was green.
It was one of those moments where you feel stress by what is happening, annoyed that you are caught in it and eager to just move on and get through the light. As the eleven cars in front of me soared through the green then yellow light, I came to a slow stop at the red light. In that moment it took all I had in me to remember that getting caught at that light was no accident. Stopping at that light gave me a minute to take a deep breath and just listen. I spend so much of my day and week absorb in my work, covered in a deep worry that everything is going to work out…that I forget to take a few minutes and just breathe and listen. To trust God and also give myself some credit. Wah wah wah…right?!
…this is the river I am crying into 🙂
As I write this I hate myself for even putting these words down because I KNOW I have it ‘easy’. If I felt stressed by her honk, how did that homeless man feel? That dollar may have made the difference in him getting another meal today. How stressed was the driver that was honking? If I start honking within 10 seconds of someone doing something nice…I am probably about to fall off of some type of edge. And the only person that seemed to be okay with this nonsense was the guy that was just trying to give some one a hand. He handed the dollar, waved backwards and moved forward, with a smile I am sure. While this was just one moment in my day it was profound. It was just the reminder I needed that something not going the way you thought, or planned or prayed for, it is just God reminding you that he has a plan. Today he was saying to me, do not be annoyed that USPS has the worst customer service. They get it right 98% of the time. Do not be annoyed that you had to bounce from work to dealing with medicaid. Sam is alive, the rest will be okay. Do not be annoyed that the park was closed for construction and it ruined your plans to run. They are improving it and your city for the future. Do not be annoyed that you didn’t run and are worried about the boyfriend15 (aka the 15 pounds you gain when you start dating someone:). You have an adventurous boyfriend who enjoys breaking bread with you. Do not be stressed that your professor added a project that will require more hours outside of class. You are lucky to be able to take this class and learn.
Gah…I am even more annoyed with myself after writing these. Why are we so flawed? I promised to be transparent on this journey and this is one of those moments where I hope this post helps someone one. Ultimately I just want to remember that a red light may be a blessing. It is hard but I am promising to try and find some peace in the things that do not go as planned. Prayer is the only way. So my last thought and my prayer is…
” For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” –Jeremiah 29:11
