Today was a BIG day in our journey through our DSS case. Sam is not longer a ward of the State of North Carolina. I now officially have custody of Sam. WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
This is really great news for so many different reasons. The main one being that we are now in charge of Sam’s future versus being held accountable by what the court thinks is best for him. Living and raising Sam everyday…and then a virtual stranger stepping in to telling us what “HAS” to be done can be very frustrating. But I have many frustrations with the Social Services offered by our great state. I’ll be honest in saying that I was afraid to rock the boat because I did not want to do anything to jeopardize our chances of the custody agreement going awry. Now that it is signed sealed and literally in my hands…it is time to voice some of these concerns.
Let me preface this by saying that 90% of the people we have encountered on this journey have been amazing…and working tirelessly for these children. The other 10% are doing it because it is a steady job and they probably started for the right reason and have lost sight of the real purpose as most of us do in our jobs. Really they are all doing the best they are capable of.
This system is broken. As a natural problem solver it is so hard to participate in and not wonder how it can be fixed. While each case is extremely different, each case involves a child that was wronged, by and adult, intentionally and with no regard for their well being. That is always fact #1. And I do not use intentionally and fact loosely. If you are making decisions that do not put your children first and end up hurting them to the point that the State gets involved you have made an intentional decision and that is the first fact in the case.
The system is broken. Support from DSS while intended to help tends to complicate and dilute the real rehab that needs to happen with the child. While again I do believe that each case worker means well most do not know what to offer the person that is actually with the child. They are not with them…ever. While the child is in their “custody” they may or may not see this child, talk to them, or really get to know them in any regular capacity. And then you take us…and you cross county lines and you get two case workers. Not to mention two Guardian At Litems, two supervisors watching and advising, and two different set of rules. Because why would these cases have any kind of protocol state wide? Why wouldn’t the case move to the county that the child resides? Why wouldn’t the county the child is a part of be the county that provides support programs? Sorry guys I can not drive to Pitt County every time Sam needs to see a doctor, dentist, or therapist. I can not catch up 2 social workers on “everything” that has been happening with Sam on separate phone calls. Ultimately because I only have so much time and you are taking time away from Sam.
The system is broken. Do you know how many doctors in Charlotte take Pitt county Medicaid? ZERO. Do you know how many people it takes to find out that you need to get a medicaid card that says the Primary care providers name on it so you can be set up as a new patient in the county you live in? My count was close to 10. Do you know how many multiple lost work DAYS it took me to get this, thank goodness, healthy kid an appointment for a physical so he could go to camp? 3 lost work days, 45+ days to get a new medicaid card and dr. appointment finalized. Days…not hours. Efficiency at its finest. I know we can not be the first case of a child who moves to different county with medicaid coverage? Why does no one know how to handle this? Seems like a word document…titled…”Cross County Coverage” could be written and handed out to people like me?
The system is broken. Speaking of easy solutions…get these workers cell phones, scanners and technology to do their jobs. Playing phone tag for 5 days because they are not allowed to use cell phones is not helping anyone do a better job. Let these guys take 30 seconds to scan a document into a email versus waiting on snail mail because I do not have a phone line for a fax. Empower your case workers. Let them make decisions. Give them the information they need. It should not take 3 signatures for me to take the kid on a plane for a vacation. It should not take approval from a supervisor to get a prescription filled. Give them an inch…they may take a foot…but focus all that time you are running in circles and train them and it will be a foot in the right direction.
The system is broken. I may be to logical about this one…but I would never allow an attorney who has never met me represent me in court based on documentation they received from a case worker that has met me once. Much less be my “voice” since the me in the case is a 15 year old that has a voice and can make decisions. The foster parent should not have to insist on a face to face meeting. This should be mandatory. I think they should even sit in on a therapy session. Seriously…if you are going to be my voice and my representative…you better know what I would say. And I am sorry if you have to drive the 4+ hours to my county to make this happen. A sub will not work…
The system is broken. This one is touchy. Finances. I have received $260 from the state since November 6th, 2013. TOTAL. And this was for gas. If someone agrees to take in a child in need, family, foster, child program, complete stranger, they deserve the same financial support across the board. Take all of the variables out. Whether I am family or foster that child is not mine and I have agreed to provide for that child. In my opinion there should be no loop hole because I am a family member. With that said…this should never be about the money. But lets be honest…it is a huge consideration and factor. It is especially worrisome when you see and hear first hand of a foster family that is getting monetary support refuse to provide transportation for a visit, refuse to purchase new clothes, even refuse to buy a football…all because they do not have money. I’ll tell you this…you have way more than me and I have not refused any of the above.
The system is broken. But we navigated it. I could keep going and I might in a more formal way. But for right now..it was not pretty, but we made it. The results were good for us. We fought for what we knew was right for Sam. We didn’t let him become a number, a ‘ward’, a faceless name. I didn’t let them get the better of me. I stood for what was right, not convenient. And now we can be very proud that he has a guardian that is not an organization, that will fight tirelessly for him to have the future he deserves. While today it was made legally official, it has been official for us for quite some time. We have a few Gotcha moments that we will celebrate in the future…today being one the best because today we are all in agreement and no longer have to deal with the system.
I know this has gotten long but I just want to say that I am so thankful for all the support we have been receiving. Especially to my family, who have fought with me, listened to me and cried with me through this case. The support means more than I could every put into words.
