So this post will probably be ironic because I plan on writing and publishing it but not posting on social media until I am BACK UP. If you are reading this because I posted it on Facebook, then you may or may not have noticed that I took a break from social media. Ahhh-hemm…I am sure that you all noticed and missed me terribly! Haha! If you are reading this because you are following me…THANK YOU!!!
BTW follow me: Here.
With all self pride aside, with everything that has been going on…I needed a break. I needed a chance “to back up” from this craziness that is my life. I am literally in the process of learning how to physically back up from things that are happening.
If confrontation comes towards me…back up. If Sam challenges me…back up. If a family member wants to pester me over the holidays…back up. If I start feeling upset…back up. If I start to feel lonely..back up. If I have to make a hard decision…back up. I am practicing this everyday in so many ways.
I found out recently that one of the best ways to feel protected in the situation you are dealing with is to have open arms, an open heart, and simply back up. Keep backing up until you can leave the room. This is a dramatic change from the way I usually act…with closed heart, arms a flaying and standing strong where I am. I think I had starting learning this technique with my previous blog about letting someone hurt you with grace. I was almost here. But I was walking away…which is different. I turned my back on the situation to remove myself from it. I didn’t face it with open arms and an open heart. How can someone approach you with anything if you are always coming towards them or turning your back?
Well I am learning! I started a new program…kind of self help…kind of relationship help…kind of become a better Carly help. I am only 3+ hours in, and I am dazzled at all the ways I could have done things differently. I do not want to look back and think, what a waste, so I am choosing to think this is the RIGHT time for me to be learning this. I am in the RIGHT place to understand this and make the changes needed.
The program would encourage me to say that “I feel…” that this is going to change my life, because I feel open, I feel strong, I feel beautiful, and I feel confident that I am headed the right direction.
All these struggles that last few months are not in vain. I feel like I am on a path of amazing self discovery. I feel ready to do the work. I feel excited about the future. I feel that by backing up…I am moving forward.