In Between Two Lines

Pregnancy | The first 17

A quick note…

This blog was started to document my journey through IVF and while I am passionate about continuing that mission I also wanted to write about my journey as a pregnant women who got pregnant through IVF.  I hope that we soon live in a world where IVF doesn’t exist without pregnancy. 

The first 8…

The first 8 weeks of my pregnancy were honestly a blur.  We found out that we were pregnant from our first IVF transfer (9/5) on Friday the 13th…yep September 13th which fell on a Friday in 2019. We were heading to one of my best friends wedding – my first gay wedding to boot. And we got the call that it had worked.  Now we had an 85% chance of success but I had convinced myself that we would be part of the 15%.  Shawn, my north star, and financial industry employed husband, keep bringing up the odds and had the best attitude about our 85%.  I was and still am in trauma over the miscarriage we had previous.  But we got the confirmation – 100% pregnant.  And I had been feeling some symptoms but those are easy to make it up in your head.  But once the confirmation came – so did the real, really, real symptoms.  My boobs felt like they had turned to ice glass and if you touched them they felt like your hand does when you grab a frozen drink or piece of ice and it burns you.  My appetite was gone – like totally gone.  Not interested in food at all.  Then the dizziness and disconnectedness set in.  Probably from a lack of food.  Then one day I woke up and felt car sick and quite frankly the only time I didn’t feel car sick was when I was sleeping.  So I slept…A LOT.  Like more than you would think is humanly possible.  And the whole time I wonder how do Mom’s do this a 2nd time around?!  If I had a little one running around I am not sure how I would have fit in so many naps?!  

The next 8…

So we get to 8 weeks, feeling lots of symptoms and feeling like crap…and then the worry sets in.  The repeat prayer…please just let me get to 12 weeks.  Please let me feel this bad tomorrow so I know it is real.  Please let me get through this day fast so I can get to 12 weeks faster.  I was focused on 12 weeks and once I got there I started to focus on 16 weeks.  I started to doubt doing a gender reveal because I was still convinced it was not real.  But my steadfast husband and voice of reason supported my mental weakness and kept me pressing on.  And we did a gender reveal at 15 weeks and hosted our whole family for Thanksgiving.  All the while I do not see anything different with my body, all I have got is the symptoms.  I got up everyday, showered and went to work because honestly I knew if I laid around all day just feeling the symptoms I would slip to a dark place.  At least I got 8 hours of distraction…and I felt guilt about it.  Wanting to take a break from thinking about being pregnant after all I wanted to do was get pregnant was a real mental warp.  

Up to 24…

So now we are here in the 24 week and while everyone looking in probably thinks this pregnancy is flying by it is literally still day to day for me.  I am feeling better physically and I think I had the pregnancy high that everyone talk about but I think it is already over.  I am bored if I am honest…I am so A type that I already have the nursery done.  We have buttoned up the registry.  I have gone through all the ways to prepare for birth and signed up for all the classes.  I am taking a pelvic floor class to learn how to strengthen my cradle because I am already peeing myself when I sneeze and that will not be okay post birth.  I am doing weekly prenatal yoga.  The baby showers are planned.  I have hired a photographer.  I have been nesting and painting things around the house, I have organized and reorganized.  The house is in tip top shape but I am still finding ways to do more.  I am lining up girls nights and nights out because those will get harder and harder to pull off. 

I am a busy body – the busier the better I produce – so I am focusing my extra time here on this blog.  I am also taking on some additional side work.  I know I will not be able to keep this pace or the pace I kept before but at this point I do not know any different.  I am not sure how to enjoy this “down time” – this relaxing time – it is so foreign to me that I am very uncomfortable with it all.  If I wasn’t tired all the time and craving sleep all the time I think it would honestly be worse.  Who is happy to be tired?  This girl!  Haha!  What a weird realization.  And too boot my husband – my go to entertainment – is studying so hard for a certification test that he takes in March.  So even when I am at home I have to find ways to be quiet while he is studying.  I want him to succeed so I am doing everything I can to not derail him.  We are suppppppppeeeeerrrrrr boring right now.  I am sure this is the pace that the rest of the world seeks but for me – major discomfort.  So the count down is on.  I am so ready to meet this little girl that I honestly hope I can make it another 16 weeks because I feel like I have already been pregnant forever!